Captain’s Log 8 April 2020
To see the previous post, click here.
Today’s post is driven by a Facebook memory that popped up in my feed this morning. That memory was; I WALKED TO THE PARK! I cannot convey my happiness at being out on this beautiful spring evening escorted by my boys. <3
You see, I had been on strict bedrest for four months and this was my first walk outside our apartment in that time. Oh, I had been out of the apartment but only to lie in the back seat of a taxi (yes, I had to lie down) to go to doctor’s appointments. And then there was that excursion to the hospital where I landed myself for a full month. Obviously, I had a rough pregnancy. On top of being bedridden, we were living in Portugal and home was 5k miles away, Mark was teaching and finishing his PhD, Caleb was in creche all day (similar to preschool), and my two close girlfriends in Lisbon had both moved away, one to Madeira and the other to England, so I was lonely often. My sole job was to keep baby Liam in and baking until he could survive in the outside world.
I learned a lot about how to cope with being isolated and cut off from my loved ones. I found ways of combating the blues that set in often. I learned to acknowledge the stress and then kick its tail. I learned a whole lot that prepared me (and consequently) my family for life in Quarantine. So much of what we are doing to handle this time, to keep our sanity and our positive outlook stems from my time on bedrest. I thought I would share some of those mechanisms in this blog so that my someday descendants can grasp not only what daily life looked like but also, how we coped. Below you’ll find my and Mark’s list of Do’s and Don’ts for Quarantine.
Don’t just watch the news. The first thing I learned was that, generally speaking, news programming is the devil. Nothing could bring me down faster than the doom and gloom of news broadcasts especially when I was in no position to go and make a positive difference. The same applies to Shelter in Place (SIP). Don’t just watch the news and read social media all day. It will make you depressed and overrun with anxiety. In normal circumstances one can go out and DO something good to counteract the bad stuff but when you are homebound…it’s not quite as easy.
Do take a break from social media. The same goes for social media outlets. So many people are posting things that, while well intentioned individually, en masse can create serious feelings of dread. Take social media like you would really hot coffee, in small sips. Taking breaks for whole days can take your mind off the overwhelming things you cannot control. Find other entertainment. Read a book, do a puzzle, make some music, write a blog for your descendants.
Do get your information from reliable sources. Listen to the experts not the armchair physicians. I had several well-meaning friends who had home remedies for treating my pregnancy condition. I know they just wanted to help but, I also knew that my doctor had spent many years studying and training to be an Obstetrician. Trust the experts, not the random posts from the internet. You can find a group to support any kind of crazy conspiracy and, if they are good writers, they can make it seem so very logical. That doesn’t mean it is factual. In the case of covid-19 the CDC, your doctor, and your local health department are your best bets for information. And remember, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And on that note, for Pete’s sake, don’t forward ‘cures’ or, well, much of anything else, it’s annoying.
Don’t go out and visit your friends and socialize in person. Ok, so this is strictly SIP related but it is what caused me to learn so much about isolation. Staying in and not seeing people is harder than it sounds. When you are told, don’t shake hands or God forbid hug anyone, do not to stand closer than 6ft from people you have known your whole life, or to whom you are related—it goes against something deeply rooted in all of humanity. We humans need contact. We need socialization. In those 4 long months of bedrest I found mine on Skype, calling home and seeing family was such a joy. I cherished it even more for the month I spent sans internet, alone in a Portuguese hospital room. To combat that utter loneliness, Mark and I are doing live streams on our channel every Wednesday at 8p and Saturday at 9a to help build a little community for all of us. (this blog may be for my descendants but, I know people are reading it now and I want anyone reading it in April 2020 to know you are welcome to join us and ‘hang out’ for a bit of normalcy—click here for our YouTube channel).
Don’t horde the toilet paper. While pregnant I absolutely yearned for popsicles. American popsicles are a rare thing in Lisbon but my darling husband found some for me. Every week he bought me a new box to ration in my own way until he could get another box-full of frozen goodness. The same applies to us living in quarantine—get what you need for a week or two, not 6 months. Do be practical and know that there are others out there who cannot afford to buy a huge stock of anything, leave some for them. Above all do not horde N95 masks, just in case you need them. Our frontline people who are absolutely being exposed to this virus definitely need them. Staying home does not necessitate an N95 mask, a simple cotton one will be sufficient for the little exposure you’ll get while walking your dog. Be rational and ration things. When you horde things it creates more panic in your mind.
Don’t gain the Quarantine 19. Listen, I could gain loads of pounds while pregnant but still not too many. There is healthy weight gain and unhealthy weight gain. It is tough when you are stuck at home to not balloon up like a zeppelin. Right now, our health is of even more importance than normal. We can still workout at home—there are a gazillion and two bodyweight workouts available on the internet. We are still able to take walks and run and ride bicycles.
Don’t just lie around all day. This was the biggest lesson I learned on bedrest. Being unable to do anything normal is hard. Like really freaking hard. When I say I got the blues, it wasn’t some pregnancy induced hormonal imbalance. I was sad, borderline depressed the second and third weeks of my confinement. The first week was no biggie, I lazed around and watched tv and enjoyed being a sloth. But then the blues started to creep in.
At some point I realized I needed something to keep me going. I found the little things helped so very much. I woke up and ‘made’ my bed every day. (You should try making a bed while you are lying in it, it is hilarious.) It was something to accomplish straight away. I got dressed in fresh clothes. I walked to the bathroom and, while I was only allowed to stand for a shower once a week, I washed my face and took my makeup with me to the sofa where I perfected the art of putting makeup on in a prone position. Being put together put me in a better frame of mind. I read lots of things, books, articles online in random journals, I researched places I wanted to visit after the baby came, I educated myself. That felt good!
Do something for yourself. While we are stuck at home under SIP mandates there is a whole world of things to do and to learn. We should all hope to walk away from this time better people. But start with getting dressed. There is so much research out there showing that the way we dress sets a mental tone for our activities. I know we as a nation will never get the chance to rest like this again so, have lazy days where you do not shower and are the epitome of a couch potato! But when the doldrums start and you feel yourself slipping into depression jump up and take a shower. Things like that literally saved my sanity and preserved my hope.
Don’t forget to stay in touch. Today, it is even easier than ever. You can have a meeting, have a virtual happy hour, you can even have dinner with people on another continent. So, do it. Just don’t take your live video social media connecting app into the toilet with you. No one needs that kind of staying in touch.
Don’t forget to treat one another with grace, understanding, and compassion. This is not easy on anyone. We each have our moments of panic, fear, anger, and grieving for the lives we suddenly had to leave behind. It is ok and expected that emotions run high and frantic, remember that when the people you are quarantined with lose it. Give them space and grace. Treat one another as you want to be treated.
Related strictly to SIP and Covid19 and having nothing to do with my time as a homebound (slightly nutty) pregnant mom; Don’t touch your face, Don’t sneeze or cough without covering it, Don’t go out if you are sick. Do wash your hands for 20seconds with hot soapy water, Do disinfect common touch surfaces often.
So that is it. This time has made me rather grateful for four months on bedrest. It taught me so very much. This time with my family is tough but also a treat in comparison. We are all (thankfully) healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food on our table.
Be kind to one another.
Until next time,
Jocelyn